I Never Loved You
by TheShyMonster
Summary: Severus Snape has found his own kind of cynical and sarcastic "love" with Hermione Granger who has come back to Hogwarts broken and indifferent to life. But when Hermione leaves Snape he begins to realise just how easy it is to lose himself. H/S
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own!

I Never Loved You

Severus Snape stormed through the dungeons of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He flicked his hair out of his eyes fitfully and snarled at the haggard house elves rushing in and out of the Slytherine Common Room. Their hands were busy with trunks and owls and were waiting for him to trip over their bent, wrinkled bodies. He had only arrived at Hogwarts a matter of hours ago and he castle was already giving him a migraine. A loud bang sounded through the dungeon corridor as a house elf dropped a trunk. Severus growled fitfully as he turned a stone corridor; he already missed the tranquillity of Albania and the silence of his work there.

Shortly he emerged in the entrance hall of the castle and saw the haggard and beaten robes of _Remus Lupin _up ahead of him. With a furious scowl he watched as the wolf's hunched and scruffy body disappeared into the Great Hall for the welcoming feast.

How could McGonagall have given that mutt his job back?

She knew it was rightfully his, and yet still every year he was turned down and he was forced to suffer through months of yet another undeserving imbecile teaching his beloved Defence Against the Dark Arts.

As Severus reached the double doors of the Great Hall he smirked; the welcoming feast was full of hormonal teenagers who needed a post-summer wake up. He whipped his wand out from his sleeve and without pausing he blasted the double doors off of their hinges and stalked into the stunned silence of the students littered around the house tables.

His scowl grew and he felt his anger intensify quickly now he was in the presence of rows of ungrateful teenagers. McGonagall barely looked up from her talk with Professor Sprout to wave her wand at the doors, and she turned back long before they righted themselves. Severus swivelled his head to glare at anyone who dared to look his way as he stormed up the aisle between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. He arrived at his chair at the front of the room ready to ignore his fellow teachers, but to his shock a small head of short curls was sitting was in his way. A small oval face stared calmly up at him from _his _chair. Severus snarled again and lifted the back of the chair, throwing the perpetrator from his seat unceremoniously. Once the miscreant was a pile of limbs on the floor Severus tossed his coat tails behind him and took a seat, dropping his head down loudly on the oak table in aggravation.

A small fluttering laugh sounded from beside him and he cracked one eye open slightly to see a woman with short bouncing brown curls sitting casually on the stone floor in uncontrollable laughter. Disdain flooded Snape's system and he looked away from the sight of her wiping away tears and holding her sides in agony. The woman continued to shake with laughter and didn't bother to stand. The students hadn't seemed to notice or didn't seem to care. Suddenly she was lifted four feet into the air and Severus chanced another angry glance at her to see Hagrid helping the curly girl to stand and handing her a Knut.

"You were 'ight P'ofessor that was hila'ious." Severus scowled at their immature behaviour and turned to glare out at the hundreds of students, a sickly bitter feeling that he knew this woman from somewhere itched at his mind.

The new professor sat down in the seat next to Severus and he frowned to see her belongings under her new chair, bitterly he realised he had been the victim of some kind of joke between her and the burly grounds keeper. As the women ignored him and turned down the table to the headmistress and asked what time the sorting would begin, a feeling of familiarity seized Severus again. He glanced at her, wondering who she was. But as a stream of first years entered the hall he tried again to forget any foolish notion that he had met this annoying woman before.

Severus took a deep breath as food filled the plates in front of him. With exhausted muscles he rolled his head and stretched his neck and shoulder, wondering if they made sortings longer every year simply to vex and annoy him. Another small fluttering laugh from the woman next to him floated into his mind and he turned to see her laughing at a joke someone had told. He scowled again as the feeling of familiarity washed over him once more and he was just about to demand she tell him who she was when one of her robed arms reached across him to grab a piece of bread and she made a remark about a goblin war. All too suddenly something clicked in his brain and he knocked her arm away from him and snarled, "**Granger**!"

That night he sat in his study looking out pensively across the grounds. Hermione Granger flooded his mind. He couldn't believe that she had managed to gain a teaching position in the school that she had only left two years ago. It was infuriating. Severus took an angry sip of his Scotch and stared up at the black sky. How was he supposed to work with such imbeciles surrounding him all day? First the blasted oaf of a giant, then the snivelling wolf and now the Gryffindor know-it-all. He had only barely refrained from killing her over her arrogant, brainy ways when she was a lowly pupil. He didn't know what he would do now she had received masters in her subject and made it to professor before her twenty-first birthday.

She was going to be insufferable.

Her little happy laugh suddenly floated around his study but Severus dismissed it as a memory brought on by his bitter drunken thoughts. That is until it sounded again. With curiosity he followed it with his ears out of his window and down to the lake. He muttered a spell and leaned out into the night. When he couldn't see her still he turned around and sat on the stone edge. His spindly fingers clasped onto the window frame and he lent backwards over two hundred feet of empty air. The spell improved his vision tenfold and he watched her getting ready to jump into the lake fully dressed. Confused he followed her steps forward until she disappeared under the dark waves. Severus couldn't stop his drunken jaw from dropping in shock and he hastily counted the seconds until her resurface:

"…98! 99! **100!**" the gasp of her lungs flew all the way to the castle as she clutched to the pier breathing heavily. A relieved Severus closed his window and sat down bewildered at his desk. What terrible thing could have happened to Granger to entice her into the lake?

A sudden memory flooded his senses. Could Hermione Granger be starving herself of oxygen to feel alive? He blindly pushed away memories of a dark-hared, gangly, big nosed youth in a parallel position. Severus glanced at the window again in wonder.

Surely not.

Not the perfect Hermione Granger.

But it was obvious; it was after all a trait that had consumed him too after he had become a death eater. He was sure of it – something had broken Hermione Granger. Severus raised his glass to his lips again and wondered whom he should send the gift basket to, along with his gratitude.

(A.N - This was actually in a daydream in my parent's car whilst listening to my mum's new ABBA CD over and over and over... you get the picture so I hoped you enjoyed the first chapter and I think there are about seven? So if you enjoyed please review and know it will be longer next time.

Haha rewriting is fun; much less effort on my part and Snape got to be extra snarky.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Minerva!" Severus slammed his fists against the oak of Professor. McGonagall's office door. He stood impatiently waiting on the spiral staircase for her to come to the door. "Minerva!" he shouted again and he crouched down to look through the keyhole. "Minerva…"

"Severus Snape, what **do** you think you are doing?" Severus closed his eyes in exasperated horror and swivelled on the soles of his shoes to look up at McGonagall. Hair had fallen across his pale face in his battle with the door and he quickly flicked it out of his eyes as he stood.

"I thought you were inside." He answered simply but he refused to meet her eye. McGonagall's eyes twinkled with wonder as she walked past Severus and into her office. He groaned into his hands, stood and followed her into the room.

Just as every other time he had visited the headmistress' office since the death of Dumbledore he was struck by just how different it looked. The once heavily decorated and cluttered room had lost the suffocating happy glow of old and although still warm and filled with treasures, without Albus' presence the room just didn't feel the same.

"Now what did you want to talk to me about Severus?" Minerva McGonagall asked as she sat behind her desk and offered him a ginger cat snap. His face pinched and he shook his head, the sickening aroma floating towards him from three feet away. He sat down in a hard wooden chair in front of her desk and looked Minerva dead in the eye.

"Why would you do this to me?" he asked bluntly. Taken aback Minerva pulled her glasses out of her robe pocket and sat them on her nose, her eyes peered closely at Severus.

"What have I supposedly done?" she asked puzzled.

"You hired Granger."

"Yes…"

"You're letting her live here."

"Yes…"

"Teach here!"

"Yes but I don't see…"

"Why would you do this to me?" Minerva crossed her arms and stared Severus down, surprised to see a young whiny student suddenly sprouting out of a man she liked and respected.

"Now you listen here Severus." Minerva suddenly said, her eyes flashed with fire but her face kept her placid headmistress façade. "I hired Hermione Granger because she is a smart, reliable and creative teacher who will help our students actually learn in history!"

"Binns was fine…"

"Do you remember his classes Severus? He was horrible! The day those third years chased him out of school was a day the entire history of wizardkind breathed a sigh of relief and stopped snoring on its desk!"

"Yes but why would you hire…" McGonagall interrupted him with a bitter laugh.

"Because she's perfect for it! She came alive in her interview! The group of fourth years she taught for it were practically begging me to employ her."

"But she's so young!"

"Severus she is twenty-two years old, which if I'm not mistaken means she is older then you were when you first started teaching at Hogwarts." Severus had the courtesy to scowl and cross his arms speechless.

"Now Severus you are going to leave my office and stop sulking because of some kind of petty dislike for your colleague." Severus opened his mouth to speak. McGonagall spotted his I'm-about-to-argue face and quickly looked down. She held up a hand to shush him before picking up a heavy textbook and relaxing in her chair, ignoring him completely.

Severus sat gaping at the cover of the book in shock. Gracefully he pulled himself to his feet and wrapped his cloak around his arms. He scowled at the tall bony woman and stalked towards the door, muttering insults under his breath.

"I heard that." Echoed after him as he slammed the door and turned to storm down the spiral staircase. But something stopped him in his path and he collided heavily with a solid body. Growling loudly he dusted off his robe and glared at a frightened Hermione Granger clutching a box of Ginger Snaps. Suddenly, before his very eyes she hardened, raised an eyebrow and shoved him out of the way to reach the office door. Severus was left travelling to the hallway on the moving spiral staircase reeling in shock.

Later Severus sat at the wooden desk in his office nursing a cup of whiskey as he loosened his collar and ran his hands through his hair. 'What has happened to that girl?' he asked himself. He had come into contact with Granger only a few times since she had arrived the day before, and every time he had been struck by how… different she was. 'It's as though she is a completely different person.' He thought as he sipped at the stiff whiskey and glanced around at his messy office. He was distracted by musings of whether he could be bothered to clean it. Annoyed with himself Severus shook his head from side to side, trying to regain control of his thought pattern. 'Something must have happened to her because she is definitely not afraid of **me **anymore." A light knock at his door pulled him out of his musings and with a throaty groan he stood from his chair. Casting a longing glance at his whiskey he crossed to the door. He had barely opened it when he was pushed roughly back and Hermione Granger flung herself into his room with a frantic look about her. He scowled at the heavy books filling her arms, and sniffed disdainfully at her hair, tucked up at the back of her head with her wand.

"I need a book." She said quickly as she dumped the heavy load in her arms into his and began racing around his room in search of a book. Severus was decidedly shocked. He flung the texts down onto the floor and walked after her.

"Well whatever book it is you can't have it." He protested, his voice hissing through a clenched jaw. The frizzy woman began to pull heavy tombs from his shelves and discard them into his arms. "**I am not your pack mule woman!**" he yelled, her nonchalantly raised eyebrows infuriated him even more.

"I know you have it here somewhere Snape because Madam Pince told me you checked it out." She said, the triumph was obvious in her tone, "I don't know where you've hidden it or why but I'm…" she had obviously spotted something so Severus followed her gaze. 'Goblin Wars – A Tragedy?' lay innocently on his desk. Hermione practically flew across the room, her fingers outstretched, ready to snatch it from him. Fury spilt out of Severus and he too propelled himself forward, reaching it just before she could. Severus turned to face Hermione, he stretched out an arm to stop her but it was too late and she barrelled into him. Dazzled Severus blinked warily up at the ceiling.

"**Granger! Get off me!**" he shouted upon the realisation that he was sprawled across his desk with a young woman on his chest. Things like that just didn't happen to him. But Hermione was already jumping up from the desk, she span around when she was on her feet and stole the book from his grasp. "No! That's mine! I haven't read it yet!" he protested as he scrambled from his position lying across his papers. He was fortunately unaware that his glass of whiskey had smashed on the cold floor.

"I need it Snape! I've left my copy at home and I need it for my third years tomorrow."

"No! It's mine! I have not even started it yet." She raised a disbelieving eyebrow and turned to the final page to see his bookmarker laid against the back of the text, no longer in use. "That's not mine." He said, and he tried to snatch it back from her. She laughed and he watched her lift the book above her head and run across the room, reading the bookmark aloud.

"Property of Severus Snape." She grinned and waved it at him from behind his desk. Scowling Severus lent across it, still trying in vain to pull the book out of her grip. She lifted it out of the way again and made a break for the door.

"Oh no you don't!" he said pulling his wand out of his pocket and shooting a spell at the door. "Give it back now!" she frantically checked her pockets for her wand, juggling the book between both of her hands. Severus sneaked forward and was ready to grab the book from her grasp, but she suddenly stomped down harshly on his foot, successfully distracting him. As he hopped around his office swearing loudly she continued checking her pockets. Severus took a deep breath and stormed towards her. Whilst avoiding her mean feet, he stepped up to her until they were just millimetres apart and snarled. "Give me the book!" she laughed up at him and pushed lightly against the door hoping it would open without magic. He glared down at her and plucked the wand from her hair, sending her curls tumbling down around her face. She smiled weakly and went to take it from him, accidentally bumping into his chest whilst craning her neck to look down at her wand in the hand hanging loosely at his side. Severus smiled sadistically and held it out behind him, he pushed her against the door lightly with one hand. "No. Give me the book back and I'll give you your wand."

"Why can't I just borrow it for a day?" she pleaded, she tried to pull away from the door but found his seemingly light push on the front of her robes too much to fight against.

"You can't borrow it because **I don't want you to**." She looked up at him in disbelief.

"Do you know how spoilt and bratty you sound?" she asked suddenly, finding a new reason to try and push him away.

"Me spoilt and bratty? **You're the one whose wandering around feeling sorry for herself all day, getting in my way and stealing my books**!" he yelled at her, she flinched and tears sprouted in her eyes. Shocked he let go of her and her wand as though any part of her burned his fingers to touch. She snatched her wand from the floor, levitated the books she arrived with and ran from his office.

A shell-shocked Severus walked back to his desk, his boots crunching on the broken glass of his whiskey. He sat down in his chair and surveyed his even messier room. He was sure now that there was something wrong with that blasted woman. She needed her bloody head checked. With a still angry smirk he decided it was his duty as deputy head to see how well Miss Granger did in her first lesson tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Severus Snape sat at the back of the history of magic classroom looking out at Hermione Granger through his lank black hair, he was shocked to find that she was every bit as competent at her job as McGonagall had said. He watched confused as she kept her third years on the edges of their seats as she told them in gruesome detail about a goblin battle in 1479. His eyes scanned the backs of their heads reading their thoughts.

'_That's so gross… __**awesome**_!"

'_Officially the best history lesson we've ever had.'_

'_Bloody hell when she stands in front of the light she looks really pretty_…"

Severus pulled sharply out of Hufflepuff male Tom Dickinson's head gagging slightly and not noticing as Hermione dismissed the class and they filed out of the room complaining that their next history of magic lesson wouldn't be for another three days. He jolted sharply out of his confused musings over horny thirteen-year-olds when there was a loud bang as the classroom door slammed closed after the last student. He climbed out of the chair not built for a man his height and crossed the classroom to Hermione's desk and looked at her back curiously through confused eyes as she flicked her wand at the blackboard and detailed pictures of the goblin war disappeared in a cloud of dust.

"Hello?" even to him his voice sounded squeaky and stupid. "You're an ignorant…" he cuts himself off realising he can't find anyway to insult her teaching, dejected he found himself watching her again as she picks up a book smiling at him amused before holding the book up to her eyes and walking from the classroom.

'Why do people keep doing that?' he wondered to himself, 'Is it me?'

* * *

Sitting staring down at his plate listening to the bored rambling of Flitwick Severus suddenly heard a rumble of noise coming from the students, glancing up to glare at them he saw Hermione walking through the door blushing at the compliments and happiness the students were throwing at her. Severus watched her walk to the head table and groaned realising that the only open seat was next to him, he didn't think he could take her annoying presence and was just debated whether he was really hungry enough to bother with dinner when she sat down… and promptly ignored him. Shocked he sent a bewildered look at her as she turned to Lupin and engaged him in conversation.

"I hate you." He said waiting for her to react and tell him she hated him too but she simply turned to him and smiled before catching his angry face and laughing at him. She reached under her chair and pulled a book out of her bag and handed it to him. He snatched 'Goblin Wars – A Tragedy?' from her hands and clutched it to his chest, she laughed at him again but still didn't say anything. "You infuriate me!" She giggled and reached across his arms to take a piece of bread from his plate, furious Severus stood and snatched the bread from her fingers. He turned and threw it out into the students and screamed, "What is wrong with you? Why aren't you insulted when I'm insulting you?" Laughter burst out from the students and Hermione turned to smile calmly at them as she gently tugged Severus back into his seat by his robes.

"Maybe you just don't affect me like you did when I was twelve. I'm just obviously more mature then you." She grinned her eyes twinkling with mischief at him, he splutters as she let go off his robe, swiped another piece of his bread, lifted her bag from the floor and left the great hall leaving Severus speechless in her path.

* * *

Hermione Granger sat up in bed reading her book and adjusting the covers around her leg with one hand, a sudden knock from the fireplace made her sigh. Swinging her legs off of the bed, she pulled on her dressing gown and mumbled the password at the grate as she searched for her wand which she seemed to have misplaced. Giving up her search she turned to see emerald flames erupt in the grate and Severus jump out onto her rug landing just inches from her. Amused Hermione watched as he swayed slightly in front of her and breathed the familiar scent of whiskey down at her.

"I hate you," he whispered, pouting he continued, "You confuse me." She laughed and pulled him over to her vanity table and pushed him down onto the purple cushioned stool. She made a motion with her hand for him to stay and wandered into the bathroom returning seconds later with a sobering potion, at his confused look she shrugged and bit her lip embarrassed. She handed it to him and turned away as he sniffed the concoction and downed it in one. She sat on the edge of her bed one leg crossed over the other and threw him another amused look. "Why do you do that?" he asked suddenly bored of being confused by Hermione, she raised an eyebrow and stood turning her back on him again and crossing to the window. "You give me that look constantly and I get the strangest feeling that you are patronising me… but even you wouldn't be that stupid." He stumbled up from his stool and across the room to the window. "Something has happened to you." He said simply as he stared out over the lake and leant his weight on the sill, purposely resting his hand next to hers, "I don't know what, and nor do I care." He said as he searched for the giant squid in the darkness, she laughed bitterly and turned to look at him again before replying,

"Of course you don't!" she fiddled with a button on her open dressing gown, growing restless again she crossed the room and sat down facing the mirror at her vanity. Severus leaned his back against the windowsill to watch her brushing her short brown curls behind her ears, he walked up behind her and tugged on one softly.

"I'm starting to think that you're as messed up as I am." He laughed and looked around the room for a seat before leaning against the vanity and upsetting the contents strewn across it. She bit her lip and smiled up at him as he pulled out a blusher from underneath his leg and shook his head down at it. She lightly tugged at the corner of her nightshirt wondering when it had become so short it barely covered her thighs. "I don't know why I'm asking you this but I am thinking that maybe it's more productive to not talk about how broken and or twisted we are and instead do something about taking our minds off of it so… do you want to go for a drink with me tomorrow?"


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

"It's nothing Severus, I just grew up is all." Severus sucked thoughtfully on the roof of his mouth as he sat back in his armchair, surveying the young witch standing in front of him obviously uncomfortable at being questioned.

"Hermione I thought we were getting close…"

"Severus don't try to guilt me into telling you things!" Hermione said angrily and she crossed her arms while glaring down at him in his faded beaten up leather chair.

This is what it had been like for a while now; it seemed they had been dating forever when in fact they had only passed six months at each other's sides and Severus wouldn't let up on his theory that there was something… wrong with her. They had gone back to his study to discuss the use of muggle medicines in enhancing potions, Severus had caught Hermione staring out of the window wistfully with dead eyes and it had been chaos since then as he had tried to confront her about the strange mannerisms she had learnt.

"Hermione you shouldn't hide things from me." Severus said darkly as he stood and swooped over to the window to stare out at the lake. "Something has happened and you're going to tell me what." He turned to face and crossed his arms to mirror hers. "Sooner of later."

* * *

"Severus how would you feel about me going away for a few months?" Severus laughed dryly and didn't look up from the daily prophet he was hiding behind in the great hall; Hermione sighed and looked back out at the sea of student's swimming around in front of them. "It's just…"

"You're not going anywhere Granger."

* * *

"This is abysmal." Severus drawled dryly in Hermione's ear, a shiver ran up and down her spine she smiled lazily up at him, there hands were linked loosely as they sat together watching the choir perform a horrible rendition of Silent Night led by an embarrassed Flitwick. Hundreds of sarcastic and cynical comments later they walked out of the Great hall Severus complaining that he thinks he has gone deaf in his left ear.

* * *

"What are you reading?" Hermione snapped the brochure closed and quickly dropped a large pile of books on top of it. Confused Severus slid the books of the booklet and as Hermione tried to protest but failed miserably.

"They probably won't let me go! I'm just a little history teacher." Hurt eyes turned to her as Severus in disbelief held up the brochure.

"You're going to leave me."

"No…" she reached out for his arm and tried to pull the booklet from his grip, he twitched and ripped his arm from her grasp

* * *

"She is definitely the best thing that has happened to him in a long while." Professor McGonagall commented to Sprout one Spring morning, as they stood hidden behind a large plant outside of Greenhouse 6. Severus and Hermione were passing by subtly holding hands and heading towards the lake, Severus floating something that looked suspiciously like a picnic basket in front of them.

"Oh definitely!" Sprout exclaimed as she clapped her hands together in glee, "I can't believe she even got Snape outside let alone got him to I'm guessing sit on the grass for the next couple of hours and eat a _picnic_."

* * *

"I applied." Hermione said breathlessly as she pulled back from Severus and pushed him slightly away so she could sit up – the sofa in his study wasn't her idea of a good place to kiss him, but being close to him had grown to be enough. Pulling her lightly back down and wrapping one arm around her robed middle he closed his eyes giving up on the kissing and curiously asked.

"To what?"

"The dig." Hermione said, realising she was holding her breath for his reaction she sat up again and tried to breathe.

"What dig?" Severus asked as with a lazy amused grin he pulled her back so she was lying next to him his eyes still closed and ready to catch a few minutes of sleep before his next class.

"The dig in Ireland… if I'm accepted I'll be gone for the entire summer." Severus' eyes snapped open and he sat up alarm rushing through his entire body.

"Is this… going away… no!" he yelled infuriated that he couldn't seem to string enough words together to make a sentence.

"If I'm accepted…"

"Hermione, please."

* * *

"It's just that… the second she's gone she's going to… I don't know see sense? Then I'll have lost her forever." Snape whispered to Dumbledore's portrait as he massaged his temples and tried to stop imagining his horrid life without Hermione. Dumbledore looked down at Severus and leaned thoughtfully on his frame.

"But are you willing to lose her at this moment because you won't let her go." Severus looked up at Dumbledore with terrified eyes,

"I can't lose her…" the door banged open and Professors Flitwick and McGonagall burst in giggling, they sobered when they saw Severus who straightened and glared at them before rushing from the room his robes flying behind him.

* * *

Severus Snape sat in the Great Hall next to his girlfriend of now nine months as they ate breakfast; Hermione was having an intense debate with Lupin.

"I tell you: a dragon would win hands down in a fight." Lupin rolled his eyes and swallowed a large piece of sausage,

"Oh come on! **Two **giants vs. one tiny little dragon? It'd be dead in seconds!" Hermione laughed and threw some bread at him,

"Dragon." She yelled childishly,

"Giants!"

"Dragons!" Severus stopped listening to their conversation and instead turned his eyes to the ceiling – it was only a couple of days until summer and he knew that it was only a matter of time until Hermione's acceptance letter arrived. It had startled him when he had realised that the casual feeling he had had for her had spiralled into… something. He wouldn't call it love and yet he knew that if she was ripped from him to go to Ireland it would burn uncontrollably and he'd never get over the bitter little sarcastic harpy.

An unfamiliar tawny owl suddenly swooped down and landed in front of Hermione, the glass of pumpkin juice shattered in his hand but he didn't notice as Hermione grinned at the bird with empty eyes and reached for the envelope. Standing roughly he picked up the piece of bread on his plate and threw it at the bird's head before rushing out of the Great Hall in a flurry of robes.

Minutes later Hermione entered the dungeon classroom, and sitting down at his desk she looked up at him with big sad eyes.

"You don't think I should go." She stated as he paced the length of his classroom and kicked stools out of his way, he ignored her presence and threw his face down to cover his expression with his hair. "I'm rather worried." She admitted, "I don't think I'm good enough…" Snape laughed coldly and leant his palms on the desk in front of Hermione, he looked up through his hair with cold hard eyes and a snarl.

"I don't care." He said simply his eyes growing sad and angry, "You should leave so you can save me the hassle of pretending I have feeling for you." No gasp. No tears. Hermione just looked up at him with an icy glare and laughed sourly.

"You're pathetic," she said calmly, "This sad little defence mechanism of yours, of removing yourself from anything that could hurt you is gonna come back and bite you in the arse one day." She stood up quickly glaring at him and knocked all the papers from his desk onto the floor, he flicks his wand to the left and the door swings open, with a pitying look she turned and started to storm across the classroom.

"**It doesn't hurt**!" he shouted defiantly, "**There's no pain**!" she stops and turns to look at him again with pity and tears swimming in her eyes, "**I didn't love you**!" he shouted again staring at her with narrow eyes to try and hide his own glistening orbs.

"I know." Hermione says casually, "It's a shame really…" she said quietly as she turned away and walked out of the door throwing her last words briefly back over her shoulder, "…because I nearly found myself loving you." The door closed and Severus stormed around the side of his desk, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He sat his legs jiggling trying to release the built up energy, suddenly he slumped back in his chair defeated and rested his head against the walls his eyes clamped shut to any tears threatening to drop.

* * *

A.N - new chapter sorry i've been lazy but that's just me.


	5. Chapter 5

Snape staggered dangerously down the charms corridor, his robes falling off his shoulders and dragging along the floor behind him. With a growl he deliberately put more weight on one side - a slight limp to his right foot and a black eye plague him from a disagreement in The Hog's Head and he'd be damned if he was going to waste that opportunity to relish in the pain… sadly the alcohol had numbed him considerably and he couldn't feel a thing. He grunted and took a sharp left tottering precariously on the edge of his boot before he leaned forward and his weight sent him careening down the next corridor. He kicked out with the toe of his boat as a house elf walked past innocently and he took another swig from his flask as it screamed and ran away from him.

"Yes run away!" he yelled after it, "Everyone else does!" he spotted a particularly blunt looking piece of wall and he turned to stare straight at it, his nose mere millimetres away from the rough brick. "_So stupid_!" he said to himself and he knocked his head against the wall. "So stupid!" he said again louder this time, "**So fucking stupid**!" he screamed to the deaf walls of Hogwarts…

"Professor Snape? What do you think you're doing?" Snape bit harshly on his lip and swivelled on his heels to look Professor McGonagall directly in the eye.

"I'm stupid Minnie… and so is your hat." He said casually as he eyed the magenta nigh cap atop her head. Minerva pursed her lips and motioned for him to follow her, his shoulders slumped and he frowned looking at the heavy stone floor as he followed her to her office.

The door slammed shut and Snape threw himself into a seat opposite McGonagall's desk.

"Come on Minnie don't treat me like one of your **precious **students." Severus spat out as Minerva took her seat and offered him a biscuit.

"I will find that difficult Severus seeing as you are acting worse then my youngest first year." She said sharply, Snape tilted his gin bottle up and when nothing fell out and dripped onto his tongue he threw it against the wall… Minerva didn't blink.

"You know I have first years too… little buggers." He reached into his pocket and withdrew another bottle, pulled off the top and began slugging it grimly. Minerva reached across the table and tugged it out of his clumsy grip, he protested in horror but she simply opened a drawer in her desk and dropped the bottle inside.

"Well now that I have your attention – you're an idiot, Severus." Snape looked at her through cold empty eyes,

"And you think I don't know that." He spat out as he drew yet another bottle of gin from his pocket, she eyed it distastefully but decided it would be better not to find out just how many he had hidden away.

"Well apparently you don't because all you are doing is getting drunk, wondering around my corridors and yelling instead of going after Hermione. He stared up at her through his lank, greasy fringe – he had forgotten the point of washing his hair properly when Hermione had walked away from him – and glared at her with bloodshot eyes.

"I don't want to…"

"Yes you do and you know it, Snape I really can't believe how much you've blown it this time…"

"Oh shut up Minnie! You're just a nosy old women who has no one to love." He chugged the entire gin bottle, "What the hell do you know?" he asked as his vision blurred and he swayed in his seat.

"I know that you've made the biggest mistake of your life letting Hermione go." Severus laughed bitterly and cast his eyes around McGonagall's cluttered office.

"Oh come on Minnie! This was my plan all along!" Minerva sat back in her chair and rested her chin on her land looking at him expectantly. He laughed again and began searching his pockets for another bottle even though he was now overwhelmed by a need to throw up everything he had ingested for the past year. "I just wanted Hermione for a quick fuck every now and again…" he laughed sourly and continued, "She meant absolutely _nothing_ to me." He said with a viscous glint in his eye. Minerva straightened in her chair,

"Out of my office Professor Snape and please kindly shut the door behind you." Snape laughed bitterly again and pushed himself out of his chair, he threw an amused drunken look over his shoulder before he stumbled to the door. Snape veered a sharp left in the corridor and decided to find his office so he could spend the rest of the night with a large bottle of whiskey in the dark.

-

"I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night from Glasgow…"

"Oh please kill me!" Hermione mumbled, she bit her lip when she realised she didn't have Snape sitting next to her to listen to her sarcastic comments. She had quickly learned that life was just not as fun without him to make fun of people with. She pulled on the collar of her jumper and rested her chin on the elbow of her arm. The appendage had been hanging out of the window of the slow moving mini-van for the past three hours and had gone numb. She was so depressed though she couldn't even be bothered to fix it. Another chorus was starting and Hermione closed her eyes in frustration. Thirty-seven times she had, had to listen to that CD; Boris the oldest member of the team had been chosen to supply music for the long trip to Ireland. ABBA was horrifying on any normal scale but when she was trapped in a small van with it on repeat it was suicide worthy.

The streetlights were beginning to appear, round balls of light above the small van as the dark closed in. The background noise inside the vehicle was fuzzy over the Swedish music but she could still make out the driver bickering with Boris about which way to turn. Hermione looked around glumly; somehow she had managed to trap herself on the backseat of the van. She was smashed up against three men who were happily singing along to ABBA. Hermione eyed the front seat where two moustached historians were sitting, playing hangman on a service station serviette. If only she had, had the guts to ask for it.

"Oh my God! Boris did you just do what I think you did? Again!" a blonde man in the row in front of her was once again protesting against ever letting Boris eat beans on toast again.

"It's just disgusting now!" another man said unhappily, his head sticking out of the window trying to escape.

"It was always disgusting." The blonde man said, suddenly his wand was digging into the neck of one of the historians in the front seat. "And if you don't turn that damn CD off I'm going to rip it out of the dashboard!"

The car journey was peaceful afterwards.

-

The next morning they arrived at the dig. Hermione was grumpy, annoyed and had cramps in places she didn't know she possessed.

"Remember men," Hermione sighed again, being the only woman on the dig was infuriating and they all seemed to overlook the fact that she existed. "No magic. These are simple muggle folk and we couldn't afford stature of secrecy insurance so no wanding please…" Hermione tuned out the large moustached man as he lectured the contents of her mini-van about the muggles. She decided that no one would even noticed if she tip-toed away from her group and decided where would the best place to pitch her tent would be.

"Oh you don't want to put it there! Boris' tent goes right next to that bit of grass every year. I also happen to know for a fact that there are more beans on the menu tonight." Hermione turned around and looked at the blonde man from the car. He had wandered away from the group too. "Roland." He said quietly, he stuck out his hand for her to shake in introduction, "Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier but I was having trouble trying not to breathe for the **ten hours** we were stuck in there."

"Hermione. It's okay, I didn't really feel like talking much what with my face being squished up against the window and all." She looked at him curiously, taking in the lack of moustache and she smiled at the large glasses on his nose. "I have to ask…" she gestured to her feet, "How long until I get the feeling back in my toes?" He grinned at her,

"Not for a while, especially since you're a newbie. Expect functioning feet maybe tomorrow morning, though." He gestured towards the tent roll at her feet,

"How about I help you find a spot and then we can work together to put up the tents… because I'm rather hopeless."

-

(A.N – Okay what do you think? Bit random? This bit and the bit that happens next were the actual extent of my ABBA induced daydream.

Aww I love Roland; he's so helpful.


	6. Chapter 6

Severus couldn't help but wonder how much was _too_ much whiskey.

The Great Hall was obnoxiously bright and loud and Severus couldn't wait to hide away in his dungeons again. Even the food tastedtoorich for his palette, which had survived on tuna sandwiches since Hermione had left.

He really had no business being there.

The happy chatting of his colleagues grated on his nerves and with a resolute nod he took another swig from his whiskey bottle. What was he talking about? There was no such thing as _too _much whiskey.

The annual mid-summer brunch he was partially taking part in was a stupid tradition in his eyes. All he did every year was sit around and pretend he didn't hate people as much as he actually did. Because of this he had decided that this year he would turn up delightfully sloshed.

He had noted with scorn earlier that Granger wasn't in attendance. Now he was hoping the singe of the fire whiskey would help him forget.

'Oh.' He thought suddenly. Severus blinked slowly, horrified that the lovely buzzing feeling was dying. He had just realised that it had been exactly a week since Hermione had left him. Severus scowled darkly and took another gulp of his whiskey.

"How are you holding up, Severus?" he jumped and his bottle nearly slipped from his hands. His fingers clutched at the very tip of the bottle, saving it from a painful death. He nursed it carefully to his chest afterwards and glared at Remus for trying to take the only other thing he loved away.

"Go away wolf." Remus chuckled and turned back to his brunch. He shook his head at McGonagall and shrugged away her stern gaze. There was no way Severus was going to talk to him, so why bother?

Severus stared down at the oily food the house elves had prepared and poked at an egg with his knife. His stomach turned and he roughly pushed the plate away; his appetite had apparently been packed away in Hermione's suitcase.

"My boy, are you aware that you're swaying?" Severus turned to Flitwick and bared his teeth at the small concerned man. It was with great difficulty he avoided growling and throwing the professor across the large Great Hall.

"Yes. It's the latest fashion statement among the _children,_" he hissed at the man, and he turned away with sick satisfaction as the small man too began to sway, not wanting to fall behind on the times.

A sudden flurry of wings hit his ears and half a dozen owls burst into the Great Hall. Severus scowled up at the animals; they were a reminder that Granger still hadn't written. A small tawny owl headed for Lupin and with the numbness of the fire whiskey coming back Severus grasped his fork in one hand and took aim. He pulled his arm back and with a flick of his wrist he sent the silver utensil soaring through the air at the owl. The fork landed shortly, and quivered where it had speared the table. Severus blinked in confusion; how could he have missed the giant beast?

Lupin looked at Severus curiously and plucked the fork from the table place directly in front of the Potions professor. If he didn't know any better he would have said Severus was aiming for his owl, but not even he could miss by three feet, surely. Severus continued to sway under the influence of Merlin knew how much alcohol and with a snarl the dark-hared man snatched the fork out of Lupin's hand.

Severus glared at the wolf defiantly. That was his fork, thank you very much. Severus took another sloppy slug from his bottle and watched the wolf open his post. 'How very odd.' He mused silently, 'That almost looks like.' Severus sprung forward knocking Lupin to the floor. He snatched a small white letter from the man's grip and hurriedly unfolded it, ignoring the wolf's protests. Hermione's handwriting danced across the long white page of the letter and Severus dropped back into his seat in horror. She was writing to the wolf but not him?

_Dear Remus _Severus scowled at the sentiment; **he** was Hermione's dear.

_I was so happy to hear about Sirius and you. It's wonderful…_ Severus' brow furrowed even more and he began scanning down the letter looking for information about what Hermione was doing. _Well, I have made one friend here. His name is Roland and he's the only thing getting me up in the morning… literally sometimes. He's very funny and sarcastic and very handsome (so remind me to introduce Charlie to him) and I just don't know what I would do without…_

The letter was suddenly ripped from his hands, Severus desperately clutched at the edges of the paper but with an amused growl Lupin pulled it free.

"I'll think you'll find that's my letter, Severus." Fury bubbled up inside of Severus and soon his wand was in his hand without him thinking about it. Every spell that could maim or disfigure Lupin or this _Roland _he knew swam through his head.

"Sect—."

"Severus! Calm down and leave at once." Severus gaze flickered between the angry Headmistress and the grinning wolf. With a snarl Severus pushed his chair back, and an angry screech followed it across the stone floor. In a flurry of robes Severus stormed out of the Great Hall and back to his rooms. He crashed through his bedroom and flung open the doors of his wardrobe. His heavy black muggle coat hung innocently on the bar, begging him to go and get well and truly smashed.

-

The mud just wouldn't wash off! It filled every nook and cranny of her tent, her clothes, and even her hair. Hermione fitfully rubbed at her bare arms, trying to push the specs of dirt off of her skin. They grew raw and red as her nails began to dig into her flesh, searching for clean skin. Deep down she knew she was passing on her confused feelings down to her fingertips, making the dirt seem even more disgusting then it would normally be to her. Suddenly large, tanned hands closed over hers and stilled her frenzied scratching.

"You're hurting yourself." Roland said slowly, he wrapped his jumper-covered arms around her and pulled Hermione back against his chest. A few stray tears dropped from under Hermione's closed eyes and Roland slowly began to rock her forward and backward.

The dig was too much for her.

She simply couldn't take being hit on by another moustache with a man growing on it, and she couldn't stand the mud and dirt anymore. Hermione breathed heavily through her tears, sick of being demoralised by not finding anything. She also just couldn't ignore the frantic misery she felt about leaving Severus. She didn't understand; they weren't supposed to be attached.

"I can't love him Roland." She said bluntly into Roland's thick striped jumper.

"Shh… shh… of course you can." Roland said soothingly, stroking her hair. Hermione pushed him away and sat up on his camp bed.

"No you don't understand! I _can't_ love him. I'm not supposed to." Roland scooted closer to her on the thin material they were sitting on and put his arm around her shoulders.

"You're allowed to be vulnerable…"

"No Roland! Our relationship has always been odd… and I just can't love him. It would ruin everything."

"No it…!"

"Roland, we are the two most stubborn and cynical people in Britain!"

"Yes. It could mean your perfect for…"

"I always thought I'd be able to cut myself off from him if I needed to." Hermione hid her face in Roland's shoulder, more tears wetting the itchy fabric.

"You don't have to cut yourself…"

"Yes I do Roland! I thought I could be as uncaring and detached as ever! But it just isn't happening… and I miss him so much." Roland wiped a stray tear from her cheek and shifted to get more comfortable on his camp bed.

"It's okay to miss him, Hermione." Hermione muffled a scratchy sob into his shoulder and shook her head frantically.

"No it's not. Because he's probably fine. He never really cared about me." Speechless, Roland stroked her hair slowly and fished his handkerchief out of his pocket.

"Shh. Shh…"

"The worst part is that I was so stupid that I actually thought he was starting to feel something."

-

A.N: I didn't like writing Hermione all of a sudden. I think it's because I just wrote a Harry/Snape one shot and feel like Hermione should just run off with Roland and leave Snape so he can be free for Harry.

Only one chapter left and don't worry no one runs off with Roland.

Hope you enjoyed more drunken Snape; he makes one last sloshed appearance in the last chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

A.N - Sirius not dead. Don't know why I decided that; can't remember when I wrote the plot let alone why.

Two f-words in this chapter, sorry it's just so hard to control him when he's drunk.

-

It was without a doubt the ugliest pavement slab Severus had ever seen. 'But then who am I to talk?' he asked himself sombrely. His long pale hands crawled out from underneath himself and he slowly heaved his drunken body up away from the pavement.

It hadn't been one of Severus' better nights.

After leaving Hogwarts he had drowned himself in so much liqueur he wasn't too sure what his name was. It could be Severus… but it might be Bill. He wasn't certain. But he was sure that he was in a very stupid situation. Severus looked around the desolated street, hidden away in muggle London and wondered when his life had taken such a terrible turn. Hermione's face bloomed before his eyes and with a snarl Severus' arms gave out and he flopped back onto his stomach on the pavement. He decided he might as well stay there; no one cared what happened to him. Severus closed his eyes and tried to ignore the ache in his nose as it dug into the concrete painfully. A small bottle of whiskey was also pushing into his hipbone, where it was trapped beneath his muggle coat. With a grunt of annoyance Severus conceded to roll onto his back to spare the alcohol; it never did anything wrong after all.

The house above him looked… familiar. Severus' brow furrowed and he blinked owlishly up at the big black London town house. A grinning man with dark hair pulled the curtains of an upstairs window shut and Severus finally realised where he was. He staggered to his feet and gripped the railing of the front steps. He raised his booted foot and started to climb up, clinging to the rails for support. His pale knuckles reached out and he knocked loudly on the door. He waited but no one came. His hands became fists and he banged on the door loudly. Still no one answered.

"Wolf! Hey!" he yelled to the upstairs windows and he banged harder. "Wolf!" the door swung open aggressively and he was left banging on thin air. An annoyed Remus Lupin looked up at him in shock. Severus didn't notice the flushed cheeks and the state of half undress the man was in. He held up his whiskey bottle and tried to smile invitingly. "Drink?" Remus pushed the door open more and Severus walked onto the old Order Headquaters.

"Severus, you are pisse…"

"Mooney, who was it?" yelled a disembodied voice from up the stairs. Remus rubbed his face tiredly and pushed Severus along the hallway and into the kitchen.

"We have a visitor, Sirius." The sound of running footsteps, robes quickly being thrown on and the bang of a door could be heard until suddenly Sirius was jumping down from the last step. "Severus is drunk." Sirius scowled and pushed past Remus to get into the kitchen.

Whilst this was going on Severus had dropped down into a chair and slumped himself over the table. He had pulled the cork out of his whiskey and as Sirius stormed in, followed by Remus he was morosely chugging the drink like water. Severus coughed delicately and looked up with blood-shot eyes to look at the two men.

"Hermione… bitch… love… stupid." Remus and Sirius continued to watch the man as he rambled on, only catching an odd word every now and again. The two men looked at each other grimly. In a sudden flurry of activity Remus ripped the bottle from Severus' grip and Sirius shot a gallon of water from his wand at the drunk.

"Sirius! I wanted you to wake him up a _bit_."

"But he stinks!" Sirius protested, waving his wand in front of his nose, trying to waft the smell of cheap alcohol away. Remus sighed with exasperation and walked out of the kitchen mumbling about sobering potions. Sirius' objection died on his tongue and in a mixture of sexual frustration and annoyance he kicked a chair back and took a seat opposite Severus. This was not how he had pictured his and Remus' night ending.

"Sorry for disturbing you. I'll just… be off." Sirius watched Severus try to push himself up from the table. His arms quaked and his shoulders shook. Sirius' wand pushed him back into the wooden chair. Sirius was suddenly filled with pity… and curiosity.

"You're Remus'… friend." The words sounded odd on his tongue, he scrapped his teeth across the muscle, trying to rid himself of the weird taste. A clank brought him out of his disgust and he looked gleefully at Severus' head resting on the table. He had never seen him so vulnerable. A guilty voice at the back of his mind, which had always sounded a bit like Remus, told him he was being cruel. But then when again was he ever going to have the chance to get the sheer amount of blackmail material he could get right at that moment? Sirius pointed his wand at Severus' head, his fingers flicked and soon Severus was sitting upright in his chair, looking befuddled.

"Wh…?"

"What's wrong, Severus?" he asked innocently, his head came forward to rest on his fingers and he looked up at the dark man across from him.

There was a reason Severus hadn't drunk from the time he was seventeen to the end of the second war. Alcohol simply didn't agree with him. It lowered his paranoia and loosened his tongue. As a result drunken Severus saw nothing wrong with telling this man (who he only faintly recognised) about his horrible girlfriend. Locked away in a tower of Gin bottles the sane Severus was screaming at himself.

"I miss her… so much." Severus lent forward, pleading silently with the nice man to believe him.

"Miss who?" This situation was really too good to be true. Sirius grinned triumphantly as Severus' countenance darkened and he opened his mouth again.

"Hermione." Sirius suddenly remembered the three hours he had spent laughing after Remus told him Snape and little Hermione Granger were dating… then Remus had convinced him he was being serious.

"Oh." He said, not knowing how to get more information from the professor. Severus nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes! It _burns_…" Severus patted his chest harshly, "here, burns whenever I think about her. That's not _normal_ is it?" Sirius frowned; that was how it felt if Remus was gone too long… "But now she's off fucking Roland when **I'm** the one who should be doing the fucking." Sirius artfully raised an eyebrow and tried to control his shock. He gripped the wooden table edge and pushed himself onto his chair's hind legs, trying to look sophisticatedly nonchalant. "I even miss her telling me off when I said something cruel about Lupin. And she has the most amazing smile in the world. And she's so smart… and nice." Sirius nodded determinedly. He dropped his chair back down to the stone floor of the kitchen and nodded again. All thoughts of blackmail and vulnerability had flown from his head.

"Remus?" he yelled over his shoulder towards the man who was still hunting for the sobering potion. In Severus' words he had suddenly seen himself, hunched over in the library of his ancestral home, nursing a stiff whiskey and wishing Remus would come home. Sirius walked with a sympathetic gait in his step out of the kitchen. One hand gripped the banisters and he swung himself around the black wood and onto the first step with the grace of a man half his age. Remus' head poked itself around the corner of the first landing wall.

"Yes?"

"Mooney, my love. We're going on a road trip."

-

It took three hours for the cold night air to sober Severus up enough for him to ask where they were going. Sirius and Remus had to grab onto the tail of the old rickety broom the man was on to stop him turning around and heading home. But after a lot of persuasion and insults they were flying steadily on their way again. They stared down at the ground hundreds of feet below, freezing on their brooms until they landed hazardously in a muddy field full of small pointy tents. Severus twisted his fingers together in agitation and looked around them. He searched through the swarms of fat men with moustaches until suddenly he spotted her, climbing out of a small blue tent. He watched Hermione brutally rub tears out of her eyes and sniff delicately from twenty metres away. She didn't spot the three men watching her. A blond man appeared from the tent flaps behind her, stretching his neck and looking up at the stars. Hermione turned to wait for him, and the air was knocked out of Severus' lungs as he watched the man put an arm around her shoulders.

"I think that's Roland." Remus commented lightly. Severus couldn't suppress the snarl that erupted from his throat and he began to stalk forward infuriated. A calm hand landed on his shoulder and the horrified, betrayed part of his brain let the man hold him back. He stared numbly as Roland whispered into Hermione's ear. She looked up and once again he was struck by how beautiful she was. Hermione gasped and froze in the churned mud. A sharp push from Black to his upper back set him in motion and soon he was running towards her. Hermione smiled with red eyes and messy hair. As he ran closer he noticed small streaks of mud across her cheeks, soon Hermione too was running and Severus snatched her from the ground, and up into his arms.

Behind them Remus and Sirius remounted their brooms, setting off to find a bed and breakfast and finished what they started before Severus had interrupted them. Roland grinned happily at the embracing couple and he walked away whistling.

"I think I love you." Severus whispered into Hermione's ear. His arms tensed around her and regret washed over him as Hermione tried to pull away. He held onto tighter, horrified and not wanting to let her go. "I'm sorry. I don't know how." He said desperately trying to make amends. Hermione looked up into his eyes and smiled at him. She kicked her legs lightly in the air and pushed away again to show him she wanted to be put back on the ground.

"I don't care…" She said contentedly when her feet had found the mud, she rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. "…because I love you too."

-

"Oh Severus, don't be stupid; Roland is gay!" Severus scowled up at the red canvas above him. His arm tightened around Hermione's waist and he brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"No he's not."

"Yes he is! I think I would know." Hermione said simply, she closed her eyes and decided to fall asleep.

"You 'think you would know'? You mean he never even told you he was?" Severus asked scandalised, he raised his head and looked down at her frizzy curls. Hermione refused to answer and nuzzled into his neck. "Hermione! Don't you dare go to sleep. Answer me now." Hermione ignored him and pretended to snore.

"Oh… Roland." She mumbled pretending to dream about her friend, Severus froze and shook her roughly.

"Don't even start with that; I know you're awake." Hermione cracked open one eye and peered up at him through the darkness of her tent.

"I'm coming home with you tomorrow, aren't I? The least you can do is shut up and let me get some sleep." Severus released his scowl on her. Hermione closed her eyes again contentedly and rested her head on his chest.

"Stupid woman… should leave you here." Hermione peeked up at him again and caught him looking at her fondly through his mumbles

"Love you too, Severus."

-

A.N This is finished I guess. Thought I'd put a bit of banter at the end because I suddenly got annoyed with sentimental Snape. The 'what broke Hermione?' question hasn't really got an answer. Come to your own conclusion because it doesn't matter because whatever it was brought her to Severus in the end so it's just a part of the journey and not that important.

Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. Sorry if the ending seemed rushed and this note a bit dejected; going into a bit of a funk.


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Hogwart. Hogwarts. Hoggy, hoggy Hogwarts." Severus watched scandalised as Hermione sang along happily with the school. Why did she insist on this every damn year? The hideous song echoed around the great hall and Severus turned away from his wife in horror and glared down at the students. He couldn't wait for this bloody feast to end. Each house table overflowed with grinning, sticky fingered children: his worst nightmare.

Sitting mumbling the words along with her unenthusiastic house was Saffi, his thirteen-years-old, in her "rebelling stage" apparently and sitting directly in the middle of the Ravenclaw table. Severus nodded approvingly at her and she rolled her eyes ignoring him. Severus raised one eyebrow and turned to the Slytherine table to see his youngest child Hunter. In his new uniform and reading a potions journal, not even bothering to pretend he was singing like the rest of his house. Why didn't Hermione have the decency to at least pretend she had some level of maturity? Severus shifted in his Head's chair and listened with relief as the song finished. He regretfully pulled himself to his feet once again to address the students.

"First years follow your prefects to your common rooms. Do not get lost." he drawled, looking pointedly at the Gryffindor first years. He felt a sharp poke to his ribs and realised Hermione had _silently _berated him for being mean. Her words of warning suddenly ran in his ears: 'Smile or I will hurt you.' "You are dismissed." He raised the corner of his mouth slightly at the students and waved his hand to remove the dirty plates from the tables. The students began to stand and leave the room in small groups as Severus took his seat again and glared at his wife. She looked innocently at him and wrapped her fingers around his hand.

"Come on Severus. Let's go to bed." Severus increased the heat of his glare as the other professors began to coo over the couple. His chair scraped across the stone floor as he stood up roughly and pulled Hermione past them. They strolled in-between the tables, Hermione smiling at Saffi and stroking Hunter's head as they passed him and the other Slytherine first years and Severus ignoring the students.

"_Why is that happy lady holding __**his **__hand?_" asked one inquisitive Ravenclaw as they passed the prefects trying to shoo him and his fellow first years out of the hall. The two prefects exchanged conspicuous glances and estimated how close the couple were to hearing range. They obviously assessed that it was fine and they answered the curious 11-year-old in a stage whisper.

"_They're married. Odd, isn't it? They have a daughter in our house and a son in Slytherine. We don't really see what she sees in him to be honest_..." at this point the fifteen year old Rodger Marks spotted Headmaster Snape glaring right at him and fled the Great Hall with a trail of confused first years stumbling after him.

"Little chit..."

"Ignore them, Severus. I know what I see in you and that's what matters." Severus glared at more students as they got under his feet, obviously just to vex him.

Soon they arrived at their quarters and the couple split up to get ready for bed.

After changing Severus walked sedately into his bedroom to see Hermione already curled up under the sheets with a large black book resting on her lap. Severus plucked his reading glasses from his bedside table and slithered in under the cool sheets. Soon he was busy with the notes for his newest Potion textbook and he didn't notice Hermione close her book, rest it on her bedside table and curl herself around him.

"Severus..." she mumbled into his side, half asleep. Severus started and looked down at her, startled to see his wife so close. Wasn't she just reading...?

"Yes?" he asked quietly, pulling his spectacles off of his nose and placing them and his notes back on his bedside table.

"I do love you." Severus frowned, and shuffled down the bed to get to her level. He prodded her in the shoulder to make her open her eyes and she blinked sleepily at him. "Oh! Yes... well... I do love you so much... but..." Hermione started to drift off again and Severus shook her by the shoulder roughly, his eyes wide with horror. Severus' mind began to whirl with possibilities. She hadn't started a conversation with 'I love you but...' in years and Severus felt his heart wrench with anticipation. She was leaving him? She had found someone else? He was dying? The last time she had tried this had been horrific enough...

_Severus ran his fingers lightly up and down Hermione's naked back as they lounged lazily in his bed. _

_He finally had her back. _

_They had apparated home to Hogwarts five days ago and they hadn't left his quarters since. _

_Hermione murmured appreciatively into his chest and he began to trace light circles along her shoulders and watched dust spin around the room in the sunlight streaming in through the fake window. Hermione shifted in the sheets next to him and rubbed her head against him like a cat._

"_Severus?"_

"_Mmm?" he asked, closing his eyes and moving his fingers around her back in tiny squares, tracing her soft skin._

"_I do love you..." Severus shifted in his sleep to get more comfortable and stroked Hermione's curls._

"_And I you."_

"_I love you but..." Severus eyes snapped open and he glanced down at Hermione suspiciously._

"_But..." he said, trying to quell the anger that was threatening to scare her away. He had only just got her back..._

"_I think you're right... I should tell you what happened to me." Severus froze and his posture relaxed in relief._

"_Oh?" Hermione began to tremble in his arms and he looked down to see her eyes filling with tears. Severus pulled her tighter into his arms and stared down at her in contemplation... "You don't have to." He finally said, conceding defeat. Hermione shook her head from side to side frantically and the tears slipped down her cheeks._

"_No. You were right. I have to tell you." Severus nodded at her in understanding and Hermione inched up his body and hid her face in his neck, looking for comfort from a man who had only learnt how to say I love you a few days before. Severus awkwardly patted her back and Hermione laughed a forced chuckle into his skin. There was a short silence before Hermione began. "Well... after the final battle Ron and I started dating..." Severus frowned in annoyance. The little ginger chit... "and everything was great. Before long we had wedding plans and were thinking about the future... Ron and Harry had joined the aurors and then when I was 23 they left... on a mission." Hermione tensed up and Severus felt his neck grow wet with her tears. "It was routine a—apparently," her light, little voice began to quiver and Severus wrapped her arms around her even tighter. "That night Harry came to my flat distraught and told me that... that Ron... that Ron had been kissed." Severus frowned in confusing, before suddenly it hit him. "He's still in St. Mungos just lying there with his soul all sucked out. He's just a shell... He's not Ron any more. I didn't know what to do." Hermione voice had grown quiet until Severus had, had to strain his ears to hear her last words. Severus craned his neck and kissed her curls affectionately._

"_I love you." Hermione nodded against the wet skin of his neck and they laid in his hard bed, in the middle of the dark dungeons, in silent contemplation._

"Severus?" He was swiftly pulled from his depressed musings as Hermione stroked a hand down his cheek to wake him.

"Yes?" he asked her. He hid his face in her curls and tried to stop himself from grabbing his wand and tying her to the bed; she wasn't his possession no matter how much he wanted her to be.

"I love you very, very much but... you're hogging all the covers and my back is cold."

-

A.N – I knew some people were annoyed that I never answered what was up with Hermione so this little epilogue is the explanation. Hope you enjoyed it. This is a different universe to Tradition although they have the same children and the future would be quite similar but Severus and Hermione got together when she was much younger in that.

Thanks for reading.


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